Misery loves (its own) company

I feel like an absolute heel right now.

Have you ever heard the saying, "Misery loves Company"? I think when most people hear that, the connotation is that of one miserable person trying to get someone else to be miserable with him.

But for me, at least right now, I think it can also mean that miserable people love to make their situations even more miserable... or at least have the tendency to do so.

I had yet another terror-filled Tuesday in production, only to come home and allow my big mouth to spout off some nonsense to my wife about how she shouldn't have eaten three cookies. Of course, at a time when respite seemed necessary and — perhaps — even in my reach, in my weakened state I allowed my mouth to get the best of me and make my day that much more miserable.

The thing is, when I'm exhausted, pissed off, sick or weakened, it's not that suddenly my guard is down and I'm more truthful — as my beloved suspects — but that pretty much anything that comes into my head misses the "sensible" filter or the "truthful" filter and just squirts out. I've done it so many times.

I'm the angriest in disagreements when my sleep is at stake. I've always had this weird thing with sleep, a phobia that I'll never get enough. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and cry to my parents that I wasn't able to sleep, when I probably was sleepWALKING half the time. I digress.

I've said some pretty rotten things when I've felt that my sleep was deprived, and that's wrong. But I now know when I'm at my weakest, and I can only hope now that I can stop myself before I act like a moron again, or, in the event that I do slip up and say something completely out of character, that my bride will have the grace and the forgiveness to disregard the rubbish I spewed.