In the Hands of God

When trying to figure out how to title this entry, the title of the new Newsboys CD, "In the Hands of God" was the only thing that sufficed.

That's because my son truly was in the hands of God yesterday.

Mondays are my day off, and as such, allow me and the fam to run errands and have fun. We went to Costco yesterday to get some essentials and to just pal around after London's 18-month checkup.

All was fine until I had the idiotic notion to let my son play in a structure he had no business being in. Savannah and Liberty were an aisle over from us as I decided to hoist my son up into the fully assembled playhouse that was about 5 feet up on a shelf. I thought it would be fun for him to sit up there for a sec, and then we'd move on.

I had him within arm's reach, and he seemed to enjoy the little clubhouse, and was being cute, saying "Whoa" and a whole bunch of other intelligible things. But all of the sudden, he backed away from me, and I had this horrible feeling that something bad was going to happen. And it did.

I was aware that the shelf provided the "floor" for the playhouse, but was unaware that the playhouse itself was wider than its "floor." So I never would have guessed (and really, who the hell puts their kid up in one of those things!?!) that London would fall into a gap on the other side of the playhouse where the floor -- the shelf top -- ended.

I heard a bang and looked up and saw my son hanging by his head, stuck in the hole. I leapt up onto the shelf and pulled my son from the playhouse, as I began to hear my wife scream. As I sprinted to the front of the store, blood was pouring from his mouth -- a terrible, horrifying scene I will never forget. I was in shock, and had no idea what had happened.

By the time I reached the front of the store, I screamed to someone "HELP! He's bleeding and I don't know what to do!" Someone ran up and offered gauze to stop the bleeding, and it was at that point I realized that all of London's top teeth had bitten through his bottom lip. It was horrible.

The ambulance soon arrived, and they checked London out and decided that they didn't need to transport him, a discussion that took place while I waited in the car with Liberty, who also was crying.

When I loaded the rest of my family into the car, I completely lost it.

We got to the Kaiser Sunnyside E.R., and London proved how amazing he truly is. Although he was in a completely blood-soaked shirt -- he was still his charming self, waving and saying "hi" to the people who walked by.

The doctor said that London didn't need stitches, and instead cleaned the wound and put a liquid bandage on it -- a compound similar to superglue -- and said that would protect the wound from opening for a day our two. The doctor said there probably won't even be a scar on the underside of his bottom lip... but even if there were, it wouldn't be visible to the average person. On the inside of his mouth, London no doubt feels the worst canker sore he's ever had in his short life.

I'm having a really hard time right now with this. I made a stupid decision. I put my boy in danger, and it could have killed him. The image of him pinned in that hole haunts me constantly, and I think that had London not been in the hands of God, he might not be with us today. I'm so thankful for that. I'm so humbled. I'm so ashamed. I've never cried so much in my life. It's safe to say that yesterday was among the worst of my life, and it definitely was the worst as a parent.

Every time I hear him say "ow" about his mouth, or see him have a hard time eating or sleeping, or look at the wound itself, my heart hurts. I know all is forgiven by God, London and even Savannah (her grace really makes no sense!), but I'm not letting myself off the hook for this one. I'm devastated by the consequences and the potential consequences of my own ignorance. Yes, we were just trying to have fun, but I put my son in critical danger. How reckless! How not-worth-it!

Never again. I'm the cautious parent now. Please pray for my son to heal quickly, and that this wouldn't affect him emotionally or physically somehow in the long-term.